Silent Guardian, Watchful Protector

We swarmed all over the other end of the story like fire-ants, so it’s only fair to devote a column inch or two to the happy resolution (and vindication):

Christian Bale will not face charges over alleged assault

The Dark Knight star Christian Bale will not be charged following an alleged assault on his mother and sister, the Crown Prosecution Service confirmed tonight.

A CPS spokesman said: “We can today confirm that we have advised the Metropolitan Police Service that the actor Christian Bale should not face any charges following an incident which occurred in relation to his mother and sister at the Dorchester hotel on 21 July this year.”

The CPS said they found “insufficient evidence” to support the reasonable prospect of a conviction.

By posting this we run the risk of being accused of “coddling celebrities,” but As Nikki Finke would say: “TOLDJA!”

When reached for comment, Harry Potter didn’t say, “Bloody hell, will nothing stop this juggernaut? Buggery bollocks, me and The Half-Blood Prince are moving to Summer ’09. Have fun owning 2008 for Warner Bros, Batman.”