News: The Axeman Cameth

It’s that time of year again.

On a podcast a few weeks ago, we covered the current television series deemed by The Hollywood Reporter as “bubble shows,” or shows most likely to not return for the 2015-16 television season. Turns out, the annual Spring television blood bath ran a little heavier this year than most. Here is a list by network of the series that will not darken your screen on network television again.

Fortunately, ABC’s Agent Carter will love to fight another Marvel baddie.

Check back for updates as studios continue to wield the scythe.

ABC

Revenge – Not a surprise or really much of a secret. About two months ago, ABC started running ads heralding the “final four episodes” without the customary “of the season” tag. In my mind, ABC network brass called the producers and seethed through gritted teeth, “I will destroy you.”

Forever – Is it tempting fate to brand a television show with such an eternal title? Looks like Forever was really only nine months.

Cristela – This deportation was something of a disappointment and a very mild surprise as ABC seemed to be in the ethnic comedy business of late (re: Black-ish, Fresh Off the Boat), but this was not to be. Of course, we’re really surprised having never seen the show – the commercials were awful – and that says a lot.

Resurrection – Maybe it will come back as a better show.

The Taste – Audiences sampled this culinary-themed reality show and politely spit it out into their napkin.

 

CBS

Battle Creek – Breaking Bad‘s Vince Gilligan sold off his old dirty laundry to CBS. Let’s hope the money was used for good things like more Bad or Saul instead of Creek, which admittedly did see some positive reviews in its brief run.

The McCarthys – I’m assuming this was a wacky comedy about the family behind the infamous McCarthy Communist witch hunt in the 1950s. Whatever it was, it’s gone.

I would love to add other shows here – I’m looking at you Scorpion – but apparently nothing dies at CBS except its viewers.

 

NBC

State of Affairs – This was deemed a “bubble show,” but it clearly had no chance. It did spur arguments, though, as to which aspect was most reprehensible – the writing or star Katherine Heigl. Guess this was an Affair to forget.

Constantine – Somewhere, Keanu Reeves (star of the disastrous film version of the same character) is sitting on a stack of cash laughing manically, swaying back and forth.

Marry Me – I’m a little sad about this one. Casey Wilson is a huge talent, and she deserved better. And by better I mean the opportunity to star opposite anyone but Ken Marino, the spiritual love child of Ray Romano and a vat of Play Doh.

One Big Happy – If there was a network to grow and nuture a “lesbian-themed family comedy,” then I’m not sure NBC was the right candidate. Cue producer Ellen DeGeneres quietly dancing away from this bomb in a pre-teen boy’s suit.

About a Boy – This critical hit lasted two years but never caught on with audiences. It will potentially re-air on ABC next season as About an Asian Boy when everyone dies on Fresh off the Boat and Constance Wu adopts the titular boy. No, it won’t. That would make too much sense.

 

FOX

The Mindy Project – Zooey Deschanel’s ukulele just popped a string, and she gulped adorkably.

The Following – Graphic violence and gore and the timeless appeal of Kevin Bacon finally lost their combined allure after three seasons. Or maybe this killed it.

Backstrom – Who knew that the sunny disposition of Rainn Wilson wouldn’t sustain its own TV series? Apparently Rainn Wilson’s mother (because that’s the only person who would have put him in this show) couldn’t save it. The best thing about the show? Wilson’s reaction to its cancelation.

💀😢Backstrom😵

— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) May 8, 2015