Australia – So Amazing, So God-Awful

There are some films that somehow straddle the fence on being one of the best films you’ve ever seen while at the same time, inexplicably, one of the worst films you’ve ever seen. Such was the case, for me, with Australia. There are so many things to marvel at in the movie, so many gorgeous, dazzling, heart-wrenching moments and yet…

There is always the dead weight smack dab in the middle: the lack of chemistry between the two leads for whatever reason. With Russell Crowe as the Drover this problem might have been solved. With Hugh Jackman in the lead, however, Nicole Kidman should have been replaced. Or if Nicole Kidman was going to star, because he couldn’t make this movie without her, the love story should have been rewritten.

Australia is kind of all over the place. It reminds me of a glorious story a kid might tell off the top of their imaginative head, “there’s this pretty lady from England who goes to Australia because her husband’s cattle ranch, Faraway Downs, is in disrepair and losing money. But when she gets there she meets this rugged Aussie cowboy. They hate each other but there’s this little boy who’s half Aborigine and is the grandson of the Magic Man, King George and then….And then...(Spoiler warning) the fancy English lady’s husband is murdered and they think King George did it and then the boy’s mother dies accidentally and then there are these cattle and then the English lady and the rugged Aussie fall in love and then the cattle are almost killed in a fire and then … it goes on and on and up and down and all over the place.

It really never feels like it’s being told by someone who has a handle on the story — it’s as if it could fly in any direction at any time, not unlike Shark Boy and Lava Girl, which was written by Robert Rodriguez’ children from a dream (I think).

It probably would have worked for me if there was a stitch of heat between Kidman and Jackman. Poor Kidman was afflicted with pregnancy during the shoot, and that was fairly obvious, and perhaps the reason her lips looked weirdly puffy — giving her the benefit of the doubt here — and I didn’t really find her face as immobile as some have said. I thought she was up to the task of this part except for the essential requirement of having her generate romance and heat with her co-star. Their kisses were so weirdly tight-lipped in almost every instance and they didn’t seem to gaze at each other with longing. I think this is probably where this crazy odyssey went wrong.

What went right, though, was all of the stuff involving the Aborigines (is that the proper nomenclature?). In fact, without the love story, this could have been a great film with just Kidman’s character and her relationship with her surrogate son, and Australia itself. And I can’t help but lament the absence of Russell Crowe with whom I believe Kidman would have had great chemistry. Jackman was fine indeed but not paired up with a woman who didn’t seem to spark his desire in the least.

The difference between this and, say, the passion and chemistry of Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett or Sean Penn and James Franco — it’s either there or isn’t.¬† Add to that a movie that’s three hours long, it’s understandable why it’s not exactly firing up the box office.

On the other hand, there was much to appreciate in the unwieldy thing. Without a hot babe in the lead, or any fancy visual effects, it is not a target demo movie, but it will still find an audience. The group of seniors I saw it with were enthralled. It’s definitely a movie for the over 50 set, which might mean some awards. Cinematography, art direction, costumes, maybe a supporting nod for Brandon Walters as Nullah.

Oh, and I think they made the right choice with the ending. A tough sit would have been made absolutely frustrating and worthless if they’d gone with the original choice.