And the Best Rundown Goes To…

Yeah, of course it’d be Mark Lisanti, who is now working over at Vanity Fair. His rundown is the best and the funniest I’ve read thus far. He pays tribute where it’s deserved and mocks where it’s deserved:

The Sweded Opening Number
Though opinion on the ceremony’s Be Kind Rewind-esque opening number seems violently divided between those who found it a refreshing, light-hearted take on the art of storytelling and those who felt the piece was a little too Grade-School Talent Show from Hell in conception, we really enjoyed Hugh Jackman’s “budget-friendly” recreations of this year’s contenders. That is, until Jackman reverse-aged his way into the body of a creepy, headless baby-doll through a series of Curious Case of Benjamin Button-themed cutouts, birthing an Oscar-night abomination that will visit us in our fitful, night-sweat-slicked sleep for years to come. We can do little but pray that Demonbaby Jackman does not alight upon our bedpost on vein-streaked bat-wings each night, lilting a show-tunes-inspired lullaby that will allow him to suckle out our life-essence as we finally slumber.