G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra

Thanks to Roger Friedman (and every other critic with eyes connected to a cerebral cortex) I can save the 8 bucks I would’ve thrown away on Wolverine to throw away later on G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra.
To balance out the superficiality of my interest being a lot more stimulated by Channing Tatum than by Hugh Jackman, I can honestly say I like the way cinematographer Mitchell Amundsen shoots action flicks. Transporter 2, Transformers, Wanted. No matter what you think of these movies plotwise, shotwise they gleam with a wet sexy gloss. Speaking of wet sexy gloss, Amundsen is now shooting Jonah Hex, and if you missed the photos of Megan Fox being ogled and ewwed over this week, you can find a couple after the cut.

(see, this clickable tease is what’s known as an “Easter Egg” and I guarantee you it’s more fun to see than whatever various “bonus” FOX claims to be planting after the credits of Wolverine.

Fans of Wolverine who watched the online leak of the film won’t miss one thing by skipping the theater ‚Äî they’ll miss at least two. Director Gavin Hood says the theatrical version of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, due out Friday, features two different “Easter egg” endings. The short bits of footage play after the credits and reveal important information about key characters. Hood says the two endings play on separate prints, so different theaters may show different footage. (USA Today)

Oh noes! Wait, I mean “Who cares?” I don’t mind waiting two days to see these super-special extras posted on youtube, instead of paying twice for the privilege. If you want some instant gratification to Marvel at, check out Megan Fox’s 12-inch Barbie doll waist on the next page.

Some cherry-picked raspberries for Wolverine:

Altogether unfathomable, if not unbearable. (Dallas Observer, Robert Wilonsky)

A conclusion that’s only a little more satisfying than a projector breakdown. (The Onion (A.V. Club), Keith Phipps)

Slice-and-dice superhero fiasco. (New York Daily News, Joe Neumaier)

My brain glazed over. (Wall Street Journal, Joe Morgenstern)

There’s an implicit threat in the title “X-Men Origins: Wolverine.” It’s the suggestion that there are lots of X-Men, and each one has an origin, and that this is just the first of a potentially endless series of X-Men movies – each one doing what this one does: boring audiences with go-nowhere action sequences… (San Francisco Chronicle, Mick LaSalle)

So… is this post about G.I. Joe, Wolverine, or Jonah Hex? Does it really matter? Do any of these movies deserve a dedicated post of its own? I’ll post more about Jonah and Joe, but I hope this is the last thing you’ll see on the main page about Wolverine.