Murky and overcast with a 60% chance of shitstorm.
Gotta love Roger Ebert when he’s merciless:
“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys. If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination…
The battle scenes are bewildering. A Bot makes no visual sense anyway, but two or three tangled up together create an incomprehensible confusion. I find it amusing that creatures that can unfold out of a Camaro and stand four stories high do most of their fighting with…fists. Like I say, dumber than a box of staples.
Realizing Revenge of the Fallen isn’t worth any more of his time or vocabulary, Ebert ends by throwing the words of other critics at it:
I looked up the first [UK] reviews as a reality check. I was reassured: “Like watching paint dry while getting hit over the head with a frying pan!” (Bradshaw, Guardian); “Sums up everything that is most tedious, crass and despicable about modern Hollywood!” (Tookey, Daily Mail); “A giant, lumbering idiot of a movie!” (Edwards, Daily Mirror). The first American review, however, reported that it “feels destined to be the biggest movie of all time” (Todd Gilchrist, Cinematical). It‚Äôs certainly the biggest something of all time.
Across the street from the Sun-Times, the Chicago Trib’s Michael Phillips says, “Fox’s cleavage is the only camera object that catches Bay’s attention for more than a millisecond.”
Sign my petition? Less Megan Fox. More Tyrese Gibson.