I Will Not Read Your Fu*king Script

That’s actually fucking, no fooking, but we try to keep our PG-13 rating around here. Josh Olsen will not read your fucking script. He just won’t do it. And here are the great reasons why not. Olsen lays out what it’s like to have even moderate success in Hollywood — friends want you to read their scripts, work needs you to read the potential scripts and when friends are involved, your opinion really counts. So what do you do if major suckage occurs?

Most people get that. But sometimes you find yourself in a situation where the guilt factor is really high, or someone plays on a relationship or a perceived obligation, and it’s hard to escape without seeming rude. Then, I tell them I’ll read it, but if I can put it down after ten pages, I will. They always go for that, because nobody ever believes you can put their script down once you start.

But hell, this was a two page synopsis, and there was no time to go into either song or dance, and it was just easier to take it. How long can two pages take?

Weeks, is the answer.

And this is why I will not read your fucking script.

It rarely takes more than a page to recognize that you’re in the presence of someone who can write, but it only takes a sentence to know you’re dealing with someone who can’t.

(By the way, here’s a simple way to find out if you’re a writer. If you disagree with that statement, you’re not a writer. Because, you see, writers are also readers.)

Ouch. The harsh truth from Josh Olsen. My only objection to his piece is that it seems he perceives all screenwriters to be men. Otherwise, I think he’s pretty spot-on, even if I did have problems with A History of Violence that began and ended with the writer, at least I think they did.

My other thought on this piece is that Olsen gets a lot of respect for being “an Oscar nominated screenwriter.” So you see, despite the constant criticism of the Academy and the Oscar process, being nominated for one, winning one, still means something — instant credibility in this case.