“If Film Critics Ran the Oscars”

That’s the title of Richard Corliss’ piece in TIME, and I can’t improve on it, except to add, “As if.”

December is that most wonderful time of the year, when Santa perches all the little boy and girl critics on his knee and warmly whispers, “You matter.” All the other months, we’re dog food. But when the winter solstice nears, and movie reviewers convene to vote for their favorites of the year, we suddenly become valuable to the studios. The news stories about the winners provide free publicity for Oscar-yearning pictures, copy for the movie industry’s trade ads and balm for its needy ego. The honor roll also gives members of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences hints as to which DVDs, of the dozens, hundreds, of recent films they’ve been sent, should be pulled out of the freebie pile and watched. See, we critics have a higher mission after all. We’re the Oscar voters’ touts.

He dismisses the Hollywood Foreign Press Association as show biz reporters, not critics.

As such, they want access to movie stars, and they get it by throwing a dinner for celebrities; the party favors are nationwide attention and maybe an award. To get on their guest list, it helps to be famous; note that The Hurt Locker‘s Jeremy Renner, who finished third in our critics’ tally, was not nominated for a Golden Globe. But we’re betting he has an aisle seat on Oscar night.

With this project, Corliss endeavors to do the same thing Sasha has done for the past 10 years: Tally up the scores from 21 critics groups,* with points awarded for each winner in 7 categories. (winners who share tie votes get .5)

Best Actress

• Carey Mulligan, An Education (8)
• Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia (6.5)
• Gabourey Sidibe, Precious (3)
• Melanie Laurent, Inglourious Basterds (1)
• Michelle Monaghan, Trucker (1)
• Yolande Moreau, Seraphine (1)
• Shohreh Aghdashloo, The Stoning of Soraya M. (.5)

Best Actor

• George Clooney, Up in the Air (8.5)
• Colin Firth, A Single Man (4)
• Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker (3.5)
• Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart (2)
• Nicolas Cage, The Bad Lieutenant (1)
• Viggo Mortensen, The Road (1)
• Morgan Freeman, Invictus (.5)
• Michael Stuhlberg, A Serious Man (.5)

Hope you enjoyed the wide range of opinion for the lead acting honors because nearly unanimous consensus in many of the remaining categories narrows the field considerably.

Best Supporting Actress

• Mo’Nique, Precious (16)
• Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air (4)
• Samantha Morton, The Messenger (1)

Best Supporting Actor

• Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds (18)
• Christian McCay, Me and Orson Welles (2)
• Woody Harrelson, The Messenger (1)

Best Director

• Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker (14)
• Jason Reitman, Up in the Air (3)
• Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds (2)
• Pete Docter, Up (1)
• Clint Eastwood, Invictus (1)

Best Screenplay

• Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner, Up in the Air (6)
• Scott Neustadter & Michael H. Weber, (500) Days of Summer(4)
• Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds (3.5)
• Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, A Serious Man (2)
• Wes Anderson & Noah Baumbach, Fantastic Mr. Fox (2)
• Bunch of Guys, In the Loop (1)
• Mark Boal, The Hurt Locker (.5)
• Geoffrey Fletcher, Precious (.5)
• Pete Docter, Up (.5)

Best Picture

• The Hurt Locker (8.5)
• Up in the Air (6)
• Inglourious Basterds (3.5)
• Avatar (1)
• Up (1)
• Hunger (.5)
• Nine (.5)

*(The 21 groups: Austin, Boston, Chicago, Dallas-Fort Worth, Detroit, Florida, Houston, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, the National Board of Review, the New York Film Critics Circle, the New York Online Critics, Phoenix, San Diego, San Francisco, Satellite Film Critics, Southeastern, St. Louis, Toronto, Utah and Washington, D.C.)

Not included are the Gotham Awards, which don’t divide acting prizes by gender or the size of the role, or the National Society of Film Critics, the one organization I know of that doesn’t vote until January. The venerable NBR is not so much a critics’ society, more a group of concerned citizens. They’re included here because they’ve anticipated the top Oscar winners the past two years, and because they throw the best awards banquet this side of the Golden Globes.