MTV Movie Awards Hangover

…Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Oscars.

It’s clear that if the Oscars were really about the popular vote, they devolve more rapidly than than the upcoming marriage between Katy Perry and Russell Brand. ¬†It was very high school, wasn’t it? ¬†Old Russell gazing lovingly at his soon-to-be 25 year-old hottie bride, as she taunted the FCC by miming the universal language for jerking off. ¬†Wasn’t it sweet?

And there were the Homecoming Queen and King all dolled up and shy-ish, not wanting to kiss in front of a crowd. ¬†And there was even the semi-fallen cheerleader, Jennifer Lopez, whose recent marriage took her down several notches in the public’s eye helping Tom Cruise revive his career by showing his best side, that is, the hilarious whateverhisnameis from Tropic Thunder.

And, of course, they trotted out a couple of old ladies to give Sandra Bullock the Generation Award (the “she’s the only MILF in Hollywood we like” award) and there was yet another girl-on-girl kiss with Sandy and Scarjo, which, as Vanity Fair’s Little Gold Men suggests, might not have been the best thing for Scarjo’s career (“it was you, Fredo”).

And finally, to see the Twilight films win all of the “awards” was the icing on the cake, and the reason I was down on my hands and knees appreciating the Oscar gods for all of their foibles. ¬†We want them on that wall. ¬†We need them on that wall.

I know it was all in good fun. ¬†As Holly Hunter says in Broadcast News, “I LIKE FUN!” ¬†But when quality slithers down the drain almost completely one is left gasping for oxygen by the end of it. ¬†I know I’m not the target demo. ¬†I’m more like the “could you bring us some more Coke Zero and hit the light on your way out” demo. ¬†But I forced myself to watch, just so that I could reserve the tinyest bit of self-satisfaction that I what I do day in and day out, monitoring these FILM awards, isn’t so bad as it might be.

The next time you find yourself shimmying up against the idea of the popular vote – just remember last night, and you will find yourself retreating back into the safety of the NYFCC and the LAFC and yes, the AMPAS.

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