Haters Guide to Oscars

Every so often you have to cut loose on the Oscars. Too many pundits want to snuggle up to the Academy which makes their coverage well, a little tepid. But not so over at Deadspin.  It’s brutal all the way through – but here is my favorite part:

12 Years A Slave: This movie isn’t winning Best Picture. I can guarantee it. And you know why I can guarantee it? Because people are cowards. Schindler’s List made over $100 million and has been broadcast on network television unedited and without commercial interruption. Ditto Saving Private Ryan. And every installment of the Saw franchise mints a new fortune. Holy shit, are we fascinated by seeing white people killed. Kill them, torture them, mutilate them, have a white girl assaulted on SVU weekly—WE WILL BE THERE. Can’t get enough of it. It’s important to let white people know we support them in their time of suffering.

But ask people to watch a movie about slavery? “WHOA HEY THAT SOUNDS LIKE HOMEWORK! And, God, it just sounds so brutal, you know? I much prefer movies about race to congratulate me and my fellow white theatergoers on our broad-mindedness. Let’s go watch fucking Crash instead.”

Jesus Christ, America. You can at least try to not be so obvious.

(NOTE: I have not watched this movie. I’m no masochist.)

By the way, when Spielberg cuts away from the brutal violence in The Color Purple he gets criticized for it. Had McQueen backed off from the brutality of slavery he would have been laughed out of the Oscar race. Oh I do wish Goldilocks would make up her mind.