Ridley Scott’s The Martian Causes Lines Around the Block at JPL Open House

Michael Borys at Boing Boing has figured out Ridley Scott’s diabolical, long term plan to nearly shut down the Jet Propulsion Lab during its open house. Apparently, they had no idea so many people would show up. But Scott’s film has reinvigorated interest in our neglected and dying space program in a way even Gravity couldn’t. That’s because The Martian is really about the space program, science, human curiosity and the potential to save the future of mankind. None of that could put this writer at ease, however. There were too many people showing up at JPL. He’s chalking it up to Scott:

To the untrained eye, this simply appeared to be a poorly planned event – but to those of us brave enough to see the fabricated truth I lay before you, it was clear as day.   Ridley Scott was been behind it all!

You see, if it wasn’t for his newly created movie about an astronaut who’s left for dead on Mars, the lines at the JPL open house wouldn’t have been half as long as they were.  Coincidence?  I think not!

Here’s some other stuff I most certainly made up, but think is true –

Ridley Scott is a crazed, multimillionaire, movie director who’s had it out for JPL for more than half a century.  This is because they didn’t let him shoot on their property for his West Hartlepool College of Art, film project in 1955.

On that day, Ridley began laying out his complex, 2 step plan for revenge.

Step 1 – To develop a film career that rivals Norman Rockwell in its longevity and in its ability to harness the power of propaganda.  This, of course explains Mr. Scott’s collaboration with Steve Jobs in the 1984 Apple commercial which was merely done to send a message to the powers that be at JPL.

Step 2 – To satisfy his ever-growing, lifelong grudge against JPL, he needed to create films about science and rational thought so popular that people would blindly rush the JPL complex on a day of his choosing.  He studied the technology and struck while the iron was hot.  The timed release of The Martian couldn’t have been better – for his revenge!  These 2 elaborate steps, of course, were carried out for the purposes of ruining JPL’s open house, while pushing his own agenda of selling tickets to his new blockbuster movie!

This plan was pure genius because to most, it merely seemed like the folks at JPL just can’t throw a party – and you really have to hand it to Mr. Scott. He’s a patient chess player and we’re all his pawns.  It became absolutely clear just how powerful the man was when I laid eyes upon the exhibit we all traveled so far to see.

The great hint that he was in control of everything was that at the Mars rover exhibit – there were no lines.

The fleet of Mars rovers were in plain view from any angle of approach! It was a complete 360 degree experience and it made you wonder why the entire open house wasn’t handled this way.  But the answer is simple – the entire open house was an elaborate and frustrating commercial for his upcoming film.

Well played Mr. Scott!

I too hope to visit JPL at some point in the near future because my daughter won’t leave me alone about it. Such is sometimes the power of the movies.  Because NASA.