What Nate Parker Needs to Know about the Internet, Publicity and the Oscar Race

Nate Parker went on 60 Minutes Sunday night to talk about Birth of a Nation. Though much of the time spent with Anderson Cooper was spent talking about the many years it took to get the film off the ground — the kind of profile that can truly earn you Oscar gold — the only part of it the press want to talk about, and in fact, the part most people want to read about, is the rape case from 17 years ago. They aren’t even asking did he or didn’t he. They have already decided that he did. The lede coming out of last night’s profile was “Nate Parker refuses to apologize” and “Nate Parker does not feel guilty about what happened.”

That is, unfortunately, another step back for Parker, Fox Searchlight, and the movie, because it keeps the dialogue going and does nothing to put it to rest. Publicity 101 says, and hive mind internet pitchforking demands, that you apologize. If you say something wrong, or perceived as wrong, then you must apologize. The only person who never plays along is Donald Trump and you see where that is getting him. Without the apology, there can be no shift in public sentiment.

So why doesn’t Parker apologize? The answer to that is complicated. It starts with his own version of what happened that night.

In Parker’s own perception, it was consensual sex. He had sex with her the day before and the following morning. He knew she was drunk (as they all were) and he mistakenly thought she was “into it.” He believed he could invite his friend to join for a three-way and if she didn’t object then it would be an evening of wild sex for all involved. Her version is that she gave in to having sex with him reluctantly the day before and the day after, and certainly never consented to a three-way with his friend.  She eventually sorted through her feelings about the course of events with a therapist and concluded that yes, she was raped because no, she did not consent and she felt that he did with her what he wanted.

All along, however, in Parker’s mind, she was into it. He thought she was into the sex before, that night, and the next morning. Then suddenly she cried rape. He knew that a black man accused of raping a white woman would have enormous consequences — emotional consequences, historical consequences, cultural consequences. Neither Parker nor the victim came from wealthy homes. Both were raised by single mothers and in the victim’s case, she had been in foster care. So the freedom of being on their own at college was a very big deal for both. Being raped is of course a big deal, and being accused of rape is a big deal. Parker’s surprise and anger at the accusation is apparent in his demeanor and behavior afterwards, made clear in a recorded phone call that became evidence heard by the jury. He was furious that she accused him, and berated her for what he felt was blind-siding. On the other hand, in her mind, his adamant denial and persistent reproach felt like harassment. Her family now claims that she spiraled downward from that point on.

But two things have happened since that incident in 1999. 1) Our ideas about campus sexual assault have dramatically changed so that we all now have a much better understanding of what constitutes consent, and 2) the internet happened and not only the internet but the rise of political correctness and social justice online. Millions of people banding together to take sides on every issue can now coalesce into a vast global judge and jury so that something like this often takes on an unexpected life of its own.

In order for Nate Parker to apologize he would have to give up his own indignation at what he maintains is a false accusation, retract of his stance that he didn’t believe he did anything wrong, and personally disavow the legal verdict that had acquitted him and upheld his protestations of innocence. If he continues to think “I was exonerated” is good enough for this crowd, it isn’t. They want him to CONFESS HIS SINS and only then can he seek forgiveness.

Apologizing would go a long way toward putting it to rest, although the victim’s family and hundreds of thousands self-appointed authorities online will likely never accept his apology at this point. The family are grieving and seem devoted to laying blame for the tragedy of their sister’s fate 100% at Nate Parker’s feet. Any success he might have at partial redemption will be countered with another op-ed by someone coming forward and rehashing what happened. But apologizing, at least, might give the family some peace and pour water on the unstoppable fire.

So, how would he able to apologize and maintain his dignity as someone who steadfastly believes in his own innocence? He could begin by apologizing for what he knows he did do wrong — and that was to try to engage in sex with someone who was too intoxicated to fully grasp what was happening. His assertion that she seemed into it is invalidated if he can concede that she probably had no clear idea what was going on.

Perception is everything, in politics and the Oscars alike. This has always been true, but it’s even more true today with the internet now creating a kind of daily trial-by-public-opinion. The bottom line is that there is nothing Nate Parker can do to change the past. But he can still have a future. He would be wise to not follow Woody Allen’s path of unwavering denial for the rest of his days. That attitude has not been good for Woody Allen, his family, or his work. It’s far better for Nate Parker to understand why people want an apology from him. Not so that they can say, “See, I know he was a rapist,” but so that the public can see he has some remorse for something that all of us need to acknowledge was a horrible and sadly tragic chain of events.